Welcome back to the Santa Clara Meditation blog! π±
Unless we live in isolation, we inevitably have to form interpersonal relationships. If you ask office workers, “Is the work hard?” or “Are the people hard?”, nine out of ten will say it is the relationships, showing just how huge a portion human interaction takes up in our lives.
Being good at interpersonal relationships does not simply mean knowing a lot of people or being sociable. What determines a good relationship is whether you have mutual trustβthat is, relationships where quality matters more than quantity.
There is a highly meaningful study from Harvard University regarding interpersonal relationships and happiness.
- The Harvard research team has tracked the lives of 724 people for 79 years, from 1938 to the present.
- According to the study, what enriched people’s lives the most were good relationships, and what drove people to death was loneliness.
- Dr. Waldinger, who participated in the research, emphasized that the closeness of friends matters more than the number, and that living amidst conflict is detrimental to your health.
- Finally, the research team announced that good relationships also have the effect of boosting memory.
- People who felt they had someone they could trust and rely on possessed relatively superior memory, whereas those who did not often experienced early memory decline.
As the study shows, good relationships with trustworthy people make our lives richer and bring us closer to happiness. Let’s take a look at the natural, ingrained habits of people who are good at interpersonal relationships! β
πΏ 8 Characteristics of People with Good Interpersonal Relationships
1. They do not obsess over relationships.
People who are good at relationships do not have an underlying anxiety to “be good at” them. Because they do not approach relationships with an ulterior motive, they have no expectations or demands, which makes the other person feel entirely comfortable. A comfortable, close relationship is naturally built by accumulating small moments of meeting often, laughing together, and talking casually.
2. They are honest with their emotions.
They clearly express their likes and dislikes and do not say things they do not mean. Therefore, the other person never has to worry about what their “true intentions” are. To be an honest person, you must first be honest with yourself and know your own emotions well. Ultimately, people want to maintain relationships with honest people rather than those who talk behind their backs. It is simply because they can be trusted.
3. They have a genuine interest in others.
If you observe people with good relationships, they have a deep interest in the other person. They do not intentionally try to get close with a specific purpose; they approach naturally out of pure curiosity about the person themselves. Since human relationships are not built overnight, it requires the effort of having a little genuine interest every day with an open mind.
4. They are accepting of others.
Another common trait of people with good relationships is that when the other person makes a mistake, they generously understand and accept it, thinking, “That can happen.” They can easily overlook small mistakes and will actually cover for the person. Rather than criticizing or getting angry, they think together about how to solve the situation and try to fix it.
5. They listen well and empathize.
Listening well to others means you have mental room to spare and are willing to gladly give your time for them. People with good relationships sit quietly and listen when the other person speaks. When the person explicitly asks for advice, they carefully share their opinion. They do not carelessly dish out advice to just anyone. People gain immense comfort simply from spending time together and being truly heard.
6. They smile often.
A defining characteristic of people who make you feel good just by looking at themβand whom you want to get close toβis that they smile often. In front of someone who smiles easily, you feel like they will embrace you no matter what you say or do. As you smile, you become truly happy, and because you gain that much peace of mind, the people around you also feel incredibly comfortable around you.
7. They give compliments well.
Being good at giving compliments means being humble and positive. Because people with good relationships actively try to see the other person’s strengths, they can give genuine, heartfelt compliments. The person receiving the compliment naturally opens their heart wide and listens closely to your story.
8. They accept themselves as they are.
People with good relationships accept themselves exactly as they are. They accurately grasp who they are and accept both their strengths and their weaknesses without resistance. A person who can acknowledge their own flaws will accept the flaws of others with the exact same generosity.
However, looking back at yourself and accepting yourself exactly as you are is not an easy task. The most objective way to reflect on yourself is through meditation. The absolute best way to understand another person’s mind is to step out of your own perspective through Ma-eum Su-ryun (Mind Subtraction meditation) and understand them exactly as they are. When you genuinely understand the other person’s mind, the walls of the heart break down, and you can form a beautiful, trusting relationship! ποΈ
Note: This content reflects principles aligned with the philosophy and methods studied by the Academic Society for Human Completion.
