By Myung-geun S. | Office Worker
For most of my life, I believed I was living well.
I had good grades.
Good friends.
A supportive family.
And very few serious problems.
Because of my easygoing personality, I rarely worried excessively about life.
Perhaps that is why I never paid much attention to meditation.
Even though several members of my family practiced it, I thought meditation was something for people who were emotionally struggling or searching for spiritual enlightenment.
I never imagined I would one day need it myself.
๐ค โI HAVE TO CHOOSE MY OWN LIFE?โ
Everything changed around the time I graduated from university.
Until then, life had felt simple.
I followed what other people did.
I listened to my parents.
I tried to meet the expectations of friends and teachers.
But after graduation, something suddenly changed.
For the first time, I had to make decisions for myself.
I needed to discover:
โข What I truly liked
โข What goals I wanted
โข What direction I should pursue
And surprisingly, I had no answers.
Without realizing it, I lost confidence.
I felt helpless.
For several years, I drifted between part-time jobs.
I traveled occasionally.
Pretended to enjoy freedom.
But deep inside, I felt lost.
Eventually, anxiety about the future pushed me into finding a full-time job.
Unfortunately, work life became another source of stress.
๐ FEAR OF OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS
At work, I constantly worried about making mistakes.
I wanted to perform well.
I wanted coworkers to like me.
I wanted approval.
Because of that pressure, I became nervous.
And the more nervous I became, the more mistakes I made.
Soon, I found myself trapped in endless concerns about what other people thought of me.
Work became exhausting.
Every day felt stressful.
Only one month after starting my job, I walked into a meditation center.
At that moment, I thought:
“If there is any way to control this mind, I want to try it.”
๐ช LOOKING DEEPLY INTO MY LIFE
After beginning meditation, I wanted results quickly.
Every day, I meditated for more than four hours.
At first, I simply wanted peace of mind.
But as I continued reflecting on my life, I discovered something surprising.
The person I had become was not random.
Everything about my current life had been shaped by experiences from the past.
I was the second daughter among three sisters.
Without realizing it, I constantly feared losing love and attention.
So I became the child who obeyed best.
The child who tried hardest.
The child who wanted approval.
One memory especially stood out.
As a young child, I tried helping my mother prepare dinner.
While carrying dishes, I accidentally spilled a container of salt.
I still remember what happened next.
I didn’t cry.
I didn’t apologize.
Instead, I nervously smiled while watching my mother’s face.
Inside, I was thinking:
“What if she’s disappointed in me?”
“What if she stops loving me?”
That memory revealed something important.
I had spent my entire life seeking approval.
๐ I DISCOVERED WHO I REALLY WAS
As I continued meditating, I saw countless similar memories.
I realized I had spent my life:
โข Watching other people’s reactions
โข Seeking praise and approval
โข Trying to appear good
โข Trying to appear kind
โข Trying to appear responsible
I believed I was living honestly.
But in reality, I was living according to other people’s expectations.
The moment I gained freedom to choose my own path, I became lost.
Because I had never developed my own center.
Eventually, I realized something shocking:
I was surviving on the approval of other people.
For the first time, I saw myself objectively.
And what I saw surprised me.
๐ณ โI WAS NEGATIVE WHILE PRETENDING TO BE POSITIVEโ
I had always considered myself a positive person.
But meditation revealed something very different.
Whenever situations arose, I automatically imagined the worst possible outcomes first.
Only after imagining failure would I begin searching for solutions.
Underneath my positive appearance was tremendous anxiety.
I was not truly positive.
I was simply pretending to be.
Seeing that truth was uncomfortable.
But after honestly facing myself, I knew I could no longer continue living that way.
Then I realized something even more important.
That anxious, fearful self was not the real me.
It was only a false self created from accumulated memories and experiences.
And because it was false, I could let it go.
โจ BECOMING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON
As I progressed through each stage of meditation, I gradually felt myself becoming freer.
The fears became lighter.
The pressure disappeared.
The need for approval faded.
After completing the entire course, I looked back and thought:
“I am a completely different person.”
Honestly, it felt like being born again.
The negative mental world I had never been able to control simply disappeared.
And positivity emerged naturally.
Not because I forced myself to think positively.
But because the negativity itself was gone.
Even difficult situations no longer felt overwhelming.
Instead of confusion, I found direction.
Instead of anxiety, I found hope.
๐ FROM CONFUSION TO JOY
Today, my life feels completely different.
The confusion that once dominated my future is gone.
The fears that once controlled me have disappeared.
Instead, I look forward to tomorrow.
I look forward to life.
When I first began meditation, I only wanted one thing:
“I just want to be happy.”
Now my wish has expanded.
After discovering genuine happiness and freedom, I sincerely hope others can experience it as well.
Because I learned something important.
True happiness is not found through approval.
It is not found through praise.
It is not found through becoming someone else.
It appears naturally when the false self disappears.
And that transformation completely changed my life.
My life changed from a confused life where I knew nothing…
into a joyful life filled with hope, freedom, and purpose.
