📖 Introduction
Loneliness, anxiety, depression, emptiness, hopelessness, and emotional exhaustion can quietly overwhelm a person’s entire life.
Many people appear cheerful outwardly while internally struggling with fear, instability, sadness, loneliness, insomnia, and the feeling that life itself has lost meaning.
Even while chasing change, travel, achievement, relationships, or new experiences, they may still carry emotional pain and emptiness deep inside.
This meditation testimonial shares the story of Min K., who experienced loneliness, anxiety, depression, emotional instability, and hopelessness from a young age after her family faced financial collapse during the IMF crisis.
Although she tried escaping her suffering through travel, studying abroad, art, and constantly changing environments, the emotional pain inside her continued following her wherever she went.
Through meditation and honestly reflecting on herself, she gradually discovered the deep emotional wounds, resentment, comparisons, loneliness, and fear she had unknowingly carried for years.
As she continued emptying her mind, she rediscovered genuine happiness, gratitude, self-love, peace, and a completely new perspective on life.
This meditation testimonial beautifully shows how inner change can transform loneliness, depression, emotional suffering, and hopelessness into gratitude, peace, freedom, and true happiness.
💬 Meditation Testimonial: “Feeling Reborn — Discovering Happiness for the First Time”
By Min K. | Resident of Moscow
I was only twenty years old, but I already felt completely exhausted.
After the IMF financial crisis caused my family to go bankrupt, life became difficult from the time I was in middle school.
No matter how desperately I struggled, nothing seemed to change.
Compared to the world around me, I felt painfully small.
Even hope itself seemed to disappear.
College life, part-time jobs, and living alone in Seoul were all overwhelming for me.
🌧️ Wanting to Escape Loneliness and Anxiety, I Left for Australia
Because I hated letting others see my weakness, I acted even brighter and happier on the outside.
But whenever I was alone, I felt deeply exhausted.
My emotional ups and downs, insomnia, loneliness, and anxiety about the future continued endlessly.
I wanted to escape.
I wanted to leave everything behind and go somewhere far away.
As soon as I finished my first year of college, I left for Australia on a working holiday visa.
For three months, I attended school during the day and worked part-time at night to save money.
Then I traveled wildly across beaches and deserts as if trying to outrun myself.
I thought maybe something would finally change if I kept moving.
And during that time, I met someone who completely changed my life.
She was staying at the guesthouse where I lived in exchange for cleaning.
Professor Sun Joo Han, an art professor visiting from Korea, warmly told me to simply call her “Mom.”
Naturally, I began opening up about all the pain I had carried inside.
She cooked Korean food for me and gave me heartfelt advice.
For the first time in a foreign country, I felt like I had someone I could lean on.
We stayed close for about seven months.
Later, after returning to Korea and resuming university, I visited her again in Gwangju.
She cared for me like family.
She took me traveling, brought me to exhibitions, and showed me a life that felt genuinely beautiful and peaceful.
Watching her, I thought:
“So it really is possible to live beautifully and happily like this.”
But despite seeing that example, my own mind still could not become peaceful.
After returning from Australia, my suffering slowly resurfaced.
Whenever I was alone or working on art projects, waves of depression and instability suddenly overwhelmed me again.
🌱 “I Wish I Would Die Before Morning”
At that time, my nightly prayer before sleeping was shocking even to myself:
“I hope I’ll be dead when I wake up tomorrow.”
That was when Professor Han introduced me to meditation.
Just hearing that it might be possible to empty the mind gave me hope.
It was an important season of life when I should have been preparing for employment after graduation.
Everyone worried when I decided to focus on meditation first.
But Professor Han responded differently.
She told me:
“Finish meditation first. Finding a job is not the real issue.”
She even paid my meditation fees for me.
When I later promised I would repay her someday, her response remained deeply engraved in my heart:
“Don’t repay me.
One day, help someone else who is struggling the way you struggled.
Don’t think about anything else right now.
First, calm your mind.
You must become truly happy yourself first.”
She was not helping me pursue a life that merely looked successful to others.
She wanted me to find genuine happiness for myself.
✨ Finding My True Self for the First Time
That was how I began meditation.
I began discarding the memories and emotions I had carried for years:
- the feeling that I had never received enough love from my father,
- resentment toward my parents,
- the fear that I could never truly become happy,
- and the endless comparisons that made me want to appear more successful than others.
As I let those minds go one by one, I realized something painful:
“I had never once truly loved myself,
the people around me,
or even the world itself.”
I had never truly met my real self.
As the layers covering my heart gradually disappeared, I finally encountered my true self.
A self that was pure, bright, and beautiful.
And for the first time in my life, I felt as though I had truly been born again.
It even felt like I was breathing for the first time.
I became deeply grateful to my parents simply for giving birth to me.
I became grateful just to be alive.
The trees, the sky, everything felt precious and beautiful.
🌎 Living a Second Life in Moscow
The first thing I did afterward was write a letter to Professor Han.
I wrote:
“Thank you for introducing me to meditation.
My mother gave birth to me physically,
but you helped me grow spiritually.”
Today, I am living a second life in Moscow.
Because one person embraced me with unconditional love and expected nothing in return, I am now living in an entirely new world.
And for the first time in my life, I feel that I am truly alive.
🌟 Reflect at Santa Clara Meditation
Many people silently struggle with loneliness, anxiety, depression, emotional exhaustion, emptiness, hopelessness, insomnia, and fear about the future.
At Santa Clara Meditation, people learn how to reflect on themselves, let go of painful thoughts and emotional burdens, and discover peace, gratitude, confidence, happiness, and inner freedom through meditation.
If you are struggling with emotional suffering, loneliness, anxiety, or hopelessness, meditation may help you discover lasting healing and meaningful inner peace.
