📖 Introduction
Many people believe that once they achieve a certain goal — entering college, finding a career, succeeding in life — happiness and peace will naturally follow.
But sometimes, even after reaching those goals, feelings of loneliness, anxiety, emptiness, and depression still remain deep inside.
This heartfelt meditation testimonial shares the story of Ji Eun Kook, a college student who struggled for years with loneliness, emotional pain, fear of relationships, and constant self-consciousness around others.
Although she appeared cheerful on the outside, inside she carried painful memories and negative thoughts that made her feel isolated and emotionally exhausted.
Through meditation and deep self-reflection, she gradually realized that much of her suffering came not from reality itself, but from repeatedly reliving painful memories and viewing life through the lens of loneliness and depression.
As she learned to let go of those accumulated thoughts and emotions, her relationships, mindset, and daily life slowly began to change.
This meditation testimonial beautifully shows how changing the mind can completely change the way we experience the world.
💬 Meditation Testimonial: “My ‘Depressing Life’ Was Only a Self-Made Movie”
By Ji Eun K. | College Student
“Freedom at last!”
That was the first thing I shouted inside my heart when I received my university acceptance letter.
During the exhausting years of high school, I endured everything by comforting myself with the thought that once I entered college, all my struggles would disappear.
Becoming a university student felt like finally stepping into adulthood. I believed I would surely find meaning and purpose in life, and that happiness would naturally follow.
But even after entering college, nothing really changed.
🌧 Even College Life Felt Lonely and Empty
Since childhood, I had always preferred being alone quietly and felt loneliness more deeply than other people.
I tried hard to change myself. I attended taekwondo classes and even completed a long national walking expedition when I was young, hoping I could become mentally stronger and more confident.
But no matter what I did, I remained someone who was easily hurt by people’s words and actions.
If I argued with a friend, I could not forget a single word that had been said. I stored every painful memory inside my heart and suffered alone for days afterward.
As those memories continued piling up, I gradually became afraid of relationships with people.
If my friends acted even slightly cold toward me, I immediately wondered:
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Do they dislike me?”
“Was I unpleasant somehow?”
I constantly watched other people’s reactions and became overly conscious of how others viewed me.
Naturally, relationships never felt comfortable or natural.
Even after entering the university I had dreamed of attending, I still felt empty inside.
From freshman year onward, I became overwhelmed by worries about the future and pressure surrounding employment competition.
As academic competition intensified, I found it difficult to open my heart even to classmates.
Outwardly, I smiled, dressed well, and pretended everything was fine.
But the shallow and distant relationships around me only made me feel lonelier.
Eventually, I fell into depression and completely closed the door to my heart.
I no longer understood why I was even studying anymore.
🌱 “Trust Your Mother and Just Try It Once”
It was during one difficult semester that my mother, who had begun practicing this meditation, called me.
“Ji Eun, trust your mother and just try it once.”
Even though she knew how busy I was preparing for employment, I felt there must have been a reason she encouraged me so sincerely.
So I stopped both my academy classes and my part-time job for a while and went to the meditation center.
During the first level of meditation, I began reflecting on the life I had lived so far.
At first, it was painful even to revisit difficult moments from my past.
But as I continued meditating, I suddenly realized something very clearly:
“My life had been like a movie titled ‘Loneliness.’”
🎞 I Had Trapped Myself Inside a Movie Called “Loneliness”
When I was young, my father was a career soldier, and my mother worked at an insurance company.
There were many days when my younger sibling and I — or sometimes just I alone — stayed home by ourselves.
One day, my sibling came home late from school.
The house was dark and empty, and nobody was there to welcome me home.
Outside, heavy rain was pouring down, and the gloomy atmosphere made everything feel even more frightening.
I sat alone in silence with the television on, waiting for my family to come home.
As experiences like that repeated over the years, one thought became deeply planted inside my mind:
“I am lonely.”
“There is nobody around me.”
After that, whenever similar situations happened, I automatically replayed those old memories and convinced myself that I was simply destined to live as a lonely person forever.
Without realizing it, I kept forcing my present life into scenes from the past and remained trapped inside sadness.
🌿 After Letting Go of Depression, the World Became Gratitude
Through this meditation, I realized something important:
I had not truly been living in reality.
Instead, I had been living inside a depressing movie I created myself — a movie centered around the belief that:
“I am a lonely person.”
But then, as I continued reflecting on my life, completely different memories also began appearing in my mind.
Happy family trips.
Laughing with friends.
Warm moments spent together with people who cared about me.
Before meditation, I had completely forgotten those memories.
My parents, sibling, and friends had always been beside me.
Yet I trapped myself inside a movie labeled “depression” and lived resentfully toward the world, unable to see the precious people around me.
For the first time in my life, I sincerely called my parents and friends and thanked them from the bottom of my heart.
As I stopped living inside past memories and focused more on the present moment, even the university I once hated became a joyful place filled with passion and goals.
For the first time, I even received a scholarship.
Who would have imagined that simply escaping the self-centered movie inside my mind could allow me to live this happily?
Once I discarded the film of depression, I realized the world itself was full of gratitude.
This meditation taught me that when the mind changes, the world changes too.
